| 1. |
Ask
the child directly. Often children do not wish to tell their
parents due to shame and embarrassment, or fear that bullies
will retaliate if they tell. Look for signs such as: fear of
going to school, lack of friends, missing belongings and torn
clothing, and increased fearfulness and anxiety. |
| 2. |
Work
with the school immediately to make sure your child is safe;
that effective consequences are applied toward the bully, and
that monitoring at school is adequate. Advocate for
involvement of the bully’s parents. If the bullying is
happening on the way to and from school, arrange for the child
to get to school with older, supportive children, or take him
or her until other interventions can take place. |
| 3. |
If
your child is timid, and lacks friends, try to arrange for
your child to participate in positive social groups which meet
his or her interests. Developing your child’s special skills
and confidence in the context of a positive social group can
be very helpful. |
| 4. |
Suggest
that the school implement a comprehensive anti-bullying
program. A home and school association meeting to discuss and
support such an initiative can be helpful.
|
If your child is aggressive or bullies others: |
Take the problem seriously. Children and youth who bully
others often get into serious trouble in later life, and may
receive criminal convictions. They may have continuing trouble
in their relationships with others. Here are some things you
can do to turn the situation around. |
|
| 1. |
Talk
to your child, talk to his or her teachers, and
administrators. Keep in mind that a bully will try to deny or
minimize his or her wrong-doing. |
| 2. |
Make
it clear to your child that you will not tolerate this kind of
behaviour, and discuss with your child the negative impact
bullying has on the victims. Do not accept explanations that
"it was all fun". |
| 3. |
Arrange
for an effective, non-violent consequence, which is in
proportion with the severity of your child’s actions, and
his or her age and stage of development. Corporal punishment
carries the message that "might is right". |
| 4. |
Increase
your supervision of your child’s activities and whereabouts,
and who they are associating with. Spend time with your child,
and set reasonable rules for their activities and curfews. |
| 5. |
Co-operate
with the school in modifying your child’s aggressive
behaviour. Frequent communication with teachers and/or
administrators is important to find out how your child is
doing in changing his or her behaviour. |
| 6. |
Praise
the efforts your child makes toward non-violent and
responsible behaviour, as well as for following home and
school rules. Keep praising any efforts the child makes. |
| 7. |
If
your child is viewing violent television shows, including
cartoons, and is playing violent video games, this will
increase violent and aggressive behaviour. Change family and
child’s viewing and play patterns to non-violent ones. |
| 8. |
Make
sure that your child is not seeing violence between members of
his or her family. Modelling of aggressive behaviour at home
can lead to violence by the child against others at school and
in later life. |
| 9. |
Seek
help from a school psychologist, social worker, or
children’s mental health centre in the community if you
would like support in working with your child. |
|
|
|
Prepared
by Marlies Sudermann,
Thames Valley District School Board
|
